23.4.07
Strike 1:
We’ve been close with this family for quite some time. And when I say close I mean really close. We get together almost every other day. We share our food, our stuff. We are close to the 4 children. We hang out with them an awful lot. The 3rd child even calls my dad “daddy Do” (2-yr old kid). The youngest is my mom’s godchild. We were practically closer to them than our relatives here. But for some reason none of us knows, at the start of this year, they started to pull away. They stopped calling. They stopped inviting us for dinner or something. They started refusing our invitations. We stopped seeing each other in church or in any other occasions. They practically stopped communicating with us.
This has been very painful to my mom and to our family. It hurts to see that our seemingly perfect relationship has just gone to waste. But it hurts even more because it ended for some reason we don’t really know. Suddenly we were like strangers, pretending not to know one another. And it personally frustrates me because I’ve learned to love that family. I love those kids. My sister and I treat them like our younger siblings.
Strike 2:
3 months after that, my friend broke the news that she and her boyfriend will be trying their luck in Canada.
When I moved here in NZ, I said goodbye to my friends. I know that despite the distance, we’ll remain friends and all that, but reality is, it’ll never be like before. We can’t hang out as often. We can’t talk as much. It’s different in a really depressing way.
It took us over a year to establish new friendships here in NZ. They’ve been just incredible. They helped me alleviate the longing and the sadness of missing my friends in Pinas. They’ve all been very nice and funny and generous that knowing that 2 of them will leave soon enough devastates me again.
Strike 3:
2 strikes in a row made me feel so insecure that I started questioning even my relationship with karol which by the way, is also having issues of his own.
Karo’s not ok there. He’s having a terrible time. He finds the job really hard. He’s sad. It breaks my heart but I couldn’t do anything. M not sure how to help him. Plus he has changed. he’s grumpy and aloof most of the time. We always talk but it’s different, it feels like I’m starting to lose him. I feel like he’s regretting his decision of coming here and implicitly blaming it on me. He wants me to keep in mind that he loves me but his gestures imply otherwise. He doesn’t say iloveyou anymore. He discourages me to visit him. He keeps mocking me on my weight. It feels different. It really feels different.
Then one day we got into this fight. We exchanged sentiments which I’m not sure were even helpful. Clearly we both have issues and we’re not helping each other. We didn’t decide to break up, but it doesn’t feel like were still together either. We’re ok, we talk everyday, but you would think it’s plain platonic.
So basically, I don’t really know where we are right now. (Too bad, it’s our 3rd anniv on 2 May. I wonder how that day will go.)
On the brighter side, we will be hosting a party to celebrate my parents’ 25th wedding anniv. And karol and I decided that it’ll be good for both of us if he’ll fly here in Welly to see if this relationsihp deserves another chance... we'll see.
We’ve been close with this family for quite some time. And when I say close I mean really close. We get together almost every other day. We share our food, our stuff. We are close to the 4 children. We hang out with them an awful lot. The 3rd child even calls my dad “daddy Do” (2-yr old kid). The youngest is my mom’s godchild. We were practically closer to them than our relatives here. But for some reason none of us knows, at the start of this year, they started to pull away. They stopped calling. They stopped inviting us for dinner or something. They started refusing our invitations. We stopped seeing each other in church or in any other occasions. They practically stopped communicating with us.
This has been very painful to my mom and to our family. It hurts to see that our seemingly perfect relationship has just gone to waste. But it hurts even more because it ended for some reason we don’t really know. Suddenly we were like strangers, pretending not to know one another. And it personally frustrates me because I’ve learned to love that family. I love those kids. My sister and I treat them like our younger siblings.
Strike 2:
3 months after that, my friend broke the news that she and her boyfriend will be trying their luck in Canada.
When I moved here in NZ, I said goodbye to my friends. I know that despite the distance, we’ll remain friends and all that, but reality is, it’ll never be like before. We can’t hang out as often. We can’t talk as much. It’s different in a really depressing way.
It took us over a year to establish new friendships here in NZ. They’ve been just incredible. They helped me alleviate the longing and the sadness of missing my friends in Pinas. They’ve all been very nice and funny and generous that knowing that 2 of them will leave soon enough devastates me again.
Strike 3:
2 strikes in a row made me feel so insecure that I started questioning even my relationship with karol which by the way, is also having issues of his own.
Karo’s not ok there. He’s having a terrible time. He finds the job really hard. He’s sad. It breaks my heart but I couldn’t do anything. M not sure how to help him. Plus he has changed. he’s grumpy and aloof most of the time. We always talk but it’s different, it feels like I’m starting to lose him. I feel like he’s regretting his decision of coming here and implicitly blaming it on me. He wants me to keep in mind that he loves me but his gestures imply otherwise. He doesn’t say iloveyou anymore. He discourages me to visit him. He keeps mocking me on my weight. It feels different. It really feels different.
Then one day we got into this fight. We exchanged sentiments which I’m not sure were even helpful. Clearly we both have issues and we’re not helping each other. We didn’t decide to break up, but it doesn’t feel like were still together either. We’re ok, we talk everyday, but you would think it’s plain platonic.
So basically, I don’t really know where we are right now. (Too bad, it’s our 3rd anniv on 2 May. I wonder how that day will go.)
On the brighter side, we will be hosting a party to celebrate my parents’ 25th wedding anniv. And karol and I decided that it’ll be good for both of us if he’ll fly here in Welly to see if this relationsihp deserves another chance... we'll see.
18.4.07
I’ve had some pretty rough weeks. Found myself crying in the middle of the night, frustrated over things I have no control of. Just when I thought that my life is sailing smoothly and almost perfect according to my standards, some things will tumble down and will slap me awake. Cause reality is, when you feel like you’re on top, there’s going to be no other way but down.
I was too happy--too happy that all my expectations rose up, oblivious of the fact that someone might not cope up. Then in one snap I lost it all. I’ve drained all the happiness I have kept inside me until there’s nothing left but utter desolation. Now I’m busy struggling to be happy again.
But I know after a while, things will ease up. i have my hopes high that soon enough I’ll reach the end of the chain, implying that if I reach the very bottom, I have no other way but up once more.
I was too happy--too happy that all my expectations rose up, oblivious of the fact that someone might not cope up. Then in one snap I lost it all. I’ve drained all the happiness I have kept inside me until there’s nothing left but utter desolation. Now I’m busy struggling to be happy again.
But I know after a while, things will ease up. i have my hopes high that soon enough I’ll reach the end of the chain, implying that if I reach the very bottom, I have no other way but up once more.
16.4.07
Once again, reality slapped me on the face. Nothing in this world stays on the same spot. People leave no matter how much you hold on to them and things change in the most unexpected time. Then you’ll be left wherever you are completely startled with nothing else to do but accept what just happened.
Very frustrating.
Very frustrating.
