30.6.06



Just came back from our 2-day trip to Hamilton.
Over all, trip was ok. I know it's so lame for a description, but that's just how it is for me.
Place: It was frosty. Temperature at 1degreeC, around 8degreesC colder than Wellington. And it was quiet and spacious. It's a genuine epitome of a green, brown, and blue environment. As in, everywhere you look, all you'll see is green pasture with grazing animals. There's literally more sheep and cows than people. So few houses too, and they are around 500m apart on the average. So, not good!
Yeah, for nature lovers the sceneries were just overwhelming and breath-taking. At one point you'll definitely feel pleased, afresh, and peaceful, but for me that's about it. It's fascinating at a glimpse but after a while, the silence can be so deafening. And you won't be able to stay outdoors and enjoy the "gentle breeze" of the wind anyways, coz the wind is never really "gentle". Duh.
Itineraries:
1st day: ang nakita ko the whole day ay...uling! Hahaha. We went to a coal mine. (I can already imagine grace's hearty laugh)
2nd day: My eyes got sick looking at everything big! Big machineries, big transformers, big monitors, big screws, big propellers, even big people.
Accommodation: One thing I loved about the trip was the accommodation. We stayed at some fancy hotel (that's the only hotel in Hamilton, btw). And we each had our own room. I enjoyed the privacy. Through that room, I was able to maximize every opportunity to break away from the crowd. Had a really peaceful night!
Food: horrible! 2 days of forced abstinence from rice. Puro pika-pika! Juske. Good thing, the hotel provided buffet dinner and breakfast. Somehow the dinner compensated for my hunger for the whole day of 1st day, and the breakfast gave me the chance to load up in anticipation to the hunger I'd feel on the 2nd day. Hahaha.
So generally, the trip was just ok. It was exciting as it was frustrating at the same time. Period. All I know is that I'm glad to be back in Wellington.
26.6.06
I have always loathed goodbyes. They are one of those uncontrollably recurring episodes in one's life that for some reason inflict as much or more pain as you had the first time. It's just so upsetting that I tend to shun it. But as much as I try to, I am still being reminded of many of them lately. Goodbyes that either I or the people around me are obliged to deal with. And as I get totally exposed to the sentiment, I realize that it's not really the ache that I loathe, it's more of the guilt.
Everything seemed so perfect. Everything seemed to be in place. I have my dreams, he has his, but we are together in both. We plan our future together. We even have this "pinkie promise". We love each other more each passing day and we always have fun like we never had. Everything's coming our way until I had to go. I was the one who said goodbye...
It was the most terrible feeling I had to undergo. The scenario was heart-breaking. I could still remember how scared I was coz his eyes mirrored profound sadness I had never seen before. It's like every bit of our dreams was shattered with every tear that he shed. I felt so helpless coz every word and every promise that came out my mouth just hurt him even more. He was silent. But that stillness told me things I know he just couldn't say. I could almost hear him ask me to take back everything I said. If only I could...
Now, all I have left are memories of his last hug, his last touch, his last look, his last kiss. When I close my eyes, I see his face, I smell his perfume, I feel the warmth of his hand, and I hear his voice. But the saddest feeling is the realization that he's never really there. That everything I have is just plain memory.
Things aren't any better, it'll never be. God knows how much I miss him. I know he misses me too, but the truth is, his I-miss-you's scare me. I'm terrified by the thought that one day, he'll get tired of missing me not guaranteed when we'll be together again. But I hope he knows that if there's one thing that lessens the guilt I have inside, it's the fact that I plan to come back...I just hope that I'll never be too late...that he'll stick to the one and only promise he has made when I said goodbye...he promised me he'll wait.
off-topic: I was moved to a different desk. And now I'm using this really annoying distorted-looking keyboard. It is split and gently sloped in shape, which I think they refer to as having "stylish ergonomic design" bullshit. This is making my life more miserable. Keyboards aren't really my thing. Talk about poor hand-eye coordination. Hahaha!! I'm now typing slower than ever. Hmpf!
Everything seemed so perfect. Everything seemed to be in place. I have my dreams, he has his, but we are together in both. We plan our future together. We even have this "pinkie promise". We love each other more each passing day and we always have fun like we never had. Everything's coming our way until I had to go. I was the one who said goodbye...
It was the most terrible feeling I had to undergo. The scenario was heart-breaking. I could still remember how scared I was coz his eyes mirrored profound sadness I had never seen before. It's like every bit of our dreams was shattered with every tear that he shed. I felt so helpless coz every word and every promise that came out my mouth just hurt him even more. He was silent. But that stillness told me things I know he just couldn't say. I could almost hear him ask me to take back everything I said. If only I could...
Now, all I have left are memories of his last hug, his last touch, his last look, his last kiss. When I close my eyes, I see his face, I smell his perfume, I feel the warmth of his hand, and I hear his voice. But the saddest feeling is the realization that he's never really there. That everything I have is just plain memory.
Things aren't any better, it'll never be. God knows how much I miss him. I know he misses me too, but the truth is, his I-miss-you's scare me. I'm terrified by the thought that one day, he'll get tired of missing me not guaranteed when we'll be together again. But I hope he knows that if there's one thing that lessens the guilt I have inside, it's the fact that I plan to come back...I just hope that I'll never be too late...that he'll stick to the one and only promise he has made when I said goodbye...he promised me he'll wait.
off-topic: I was moved to a different desk. And now I'm using this really annoying distorted-looking keyboard. It is split and gently sloped in shape, which I think they refer to as having "stylish ergonomic design" bullshit. This is making my life more miserable. Keyboards aren't really my thing. Talk about poor hand-eye coordination. Hahaha!! I'm now typing slower than ever. Hmpf!
21.6.06
On Wednesday, I will be flying to Hamilton, which is somewhere North. It's our team's 2-day trip. Itinerary: to visit several power stations.
Excited? Not really. Come on! I'll be with a bunch of old geeks whose day to day routine involves having unending conversation about economic transformation, market supply and demand, and the likes, and whose life's diversion revolves around newspapers and crossword puzzles.
I can already imagine them laughing at some highfaluting joke, which is not at all funny for me. Argh.
On top of all that, the thought of sleeping in a remote hotel with complete strangers? That's OMIGOD!
Sigh.
Nonetheless, this whole trip will surely be useful for me. This will provide me a good background of the things I'm working on. I deal with stats so it is important to fully grasp the history behind each figure. Besides that, it'll be an adventure to put my sense of independence to a test. To survive 2 days with foreign faces in a foreign place in this foreign country is my challenge. And I look forward to that.
I'll be riding an airplane again. Woohoo!
And oh, I should remember to bring a good book to read. I reckon that's the best way to consume my spare time there...
Excited? Not really. Come on! I'll be with a bunch of old geeks whose day to day routine involves having unending conversation about economic transformation, market supply and demand, and the likes, and whose life's diversion revolves around newspapers and crossword puzzles.
I can already imagine them laughing at some highfaluting joke, which is not at all funny for me. Argh.
On top of all that, the thought of sleeping in a remote hotel with complete strangers? That's OMIGOD!
Sigh.
Nonetheless, this whole trip will surely be useful for me. This will provide me a good background of the things I'm working on. I deal with stats so it is important to fully grasp the history behind each figure. Besides that, it'll be an adventure to put my sense of independence to a test. To survive 2 days with foreign faces in a foreign place in this foreign country is my challenge. And I look forward to that.
I'll be riding an airplane again. Woohoo!
And oh, I should remember to bring a good book to read. I reckon that's the best way to consume my spare time there...
20.6.06
Lintek!
I woke up half past 6. Took a quick shower, dressed up, had lite breakfast, then rushed out to catch the train.
The moment I stepped out our door, I immediately resented why I have even stepped in NZ. Damn it. It's so freakin' cold. It's raining heavily. I could feel the wrath of nature. The wind was furiously screaming at me, and frantically slapping me on the face. It was scary.
There was one moment when I wasn't supposed to cross the road, but then I had to because that damn wind was literally pushing me. Good thing cars are heedful of pedestrians.
30 minutes later, I got here at the office, completely drenched. Despite wearing hand gloves, and thick socks and boots, my hands and feet were still numb and frozen as ice. My whole body was quivering. The feeling was just horrible. It's like resting your extremities in a block of ice for solid 15 minutes, and then you feel the chill curving through your bones until your whole body is trembling and your extremities are sore as hell that they might rip open any minute. Waaaah!!! I so need heat!
Wonder what more is in stored for me today. Sigh.
I woke up half past 6. Took a quick shower, dressed up, had lite breakfast, then rushed out to catch the train.
The moment I stepped out our door, I immediately resented why I have even stepped in NZ. Damn it. It's so freakin' cold. It's raining heavily. I could feel the wrath of nature. The wind was furiously screaming at me, and frantically slapping me on the face. It was scary.
There was one moment when I wasn't supposed to cross the road, but then I had to because that damn wind was literally pushing me. Good thing cars are heedful of pedestrians.
30 minutes later, I got here at the office, completely drenched. Despite wearing hand gloves, and thick socks and boots, my hands and feet were still numb and frozen as ice. My whole body was quivering. The feeling was just horrible. It's like resting your extremities in a block of ice for solid 15 minutes, and then you feel the chill curving through your bones until your whole body is trembling and your extremities are sore as hell that they might rip open any minute. Waaaah!!! I so need heat!
Wonder what more is in stored for me today. Sigh.
19.6.06
TSK.
A wrong start will never have a right ending. Yes, you can always change what you've started, but to be able to alter it is to actually begin again. And that is a tight spot.
For days, I'm literally doing nothing. Damn it. Am I just useless, or are they just too preoccupied to even care for what I'm up to? I'm done with what they asked me to do. What's next? They keep me hanging. And the more they do this the more I think that I don't belong here.
"I love what I do." I hear lots of people say that. Why can't I? And whenever I try to figure out the answer to this seemingly simple but naturally complicated question, I end up regretting one major decision I did in the past i.e. to let my self-doubting nature decide what path to take.
I used to know who I wanted myself to be, but I was unfortunate to persuade myself that I could actually be it. So I, being naturally apprehensive and anxious, took the wrong turn. I vindicated it, and convinced myself easily that it's the next best thing to being who I want. Now boom! my life has gone totally astray.
What's worse? I don't have the courage yet to start all over again.
A wrong start will never have a right ending. Yes, you can always change what you've started, but to be able to alter it is to actually begin again. And that is a tight spot.
For days, I'm literally doing nothing. Damn it. Am I just useless, or are they just too preoccupied to even care for what I'm up to? I'm done with what they asked me to do. What's next? They keep me hanging. And the more they do this the more I think that I don't belong here.
"I love what I do." I hear lots of people say that. Why can't I? And whenever I try to figure out the answer to this seemingly simple but naturally complicated question, I end up regretting one major decision I did in the past i.e. to let my self-doubting nature decide what path to take.
I used to know who I wanted myself to be, but I was unfortunate to persuade myself that I could actually be it. So I, being naturally apprehensive and anxious, took the wrong turn. I vindicated it, and convinced myself easily that it's the next best thing to being who I want. Now boom! my life has gone totally astray.
What's worse? I don't have the courage yet to start all over again.
13.6.06
blah blah blah!
blah..blah..blah
Blogging puff almost over, and yet I'm just starting one. Tsk. -- One good manifestation of who I really am.
I live my own world.
I do things at my own slow pace.
I'm actually a late-bloomer.
Sometimes I go with the flow, most of the times I don't.
I'm free-spirited that I often get misunderstood.
I can laugh, I can cry, I can shout, I can frown without other people really noticing it. But that usually doesn't bother me.
Others think I'm boring, apathetic and careless. I think so too sometimes.
The truth is I'm just naturally shy, timid, and hesitant.
Only few people dared to bring out the craziness in me.
And I'm grateful for them, coz I needed that.
blah blah blah! whatever.
Clearly, I'm just bored! So here, take a glimpse of me and tag along my tale.
Blogging puff almost over, and yet I'm just starting one. Tsk. -- One good manifestation of who I really am.
I live my own world.
I do things at my own slow pace.
I'm actually a late-bloomer.
Sometimes I go with the flow, most of the times I don't.
I'm free-spirited that I often get misunderstood.
I can laugh, I can cry, I can shout, I can frown without other people really noticing it. But that usually doesn't bother me.
Others think I'm boring, apathetic and careless. I think so too sometimes.
The truth is I'm just naturally shy, timid, and hesitant.
Only few people dared to bring out the craziness in me.
And I'm grateful for them, coz I needed that.
blah blah blah! whatever.
Clearly, I'm just bored! So here, take a glimpse of me and tag along my tale.