23.11.06
I tend to think that the thrill of bdays subsides as one grows old. As years pass, I realize that bdays are nothing but a big illusion--illusion that gives you reason to try to own the day, then oblige the rest of the world to revolve around you, and then get frustrated when they refuse to. But sheer fact is these are all human nature. We all have this tendency to give ourselves a day to break away from reality, to make ourselves believe that even just for 24 hours, a bad day can be good, or a good day can be better.
My bday always has the same psychological effect on me. The optimism either causes me extreme happiness or utter sadness. And if I remember it right, I spent my past 2 bdays sobbing under my sheets.
I do hope that this year would be different, but being under the same circumstances as last year's, it's hard to convince myself that tomorrow will be any better. I am trying though. I actually made few plans to spice up my weekend a bit. Hope it helps although I know that at the end of the day, things will remain the same. Time will fly like my bday never happened and I'll deal with reality like my bday is not part of it.
My bday always has the same psychological effect on me. The optimism either causes me extreme happiness or utter sadness. And if I remember it right, I spent my past 2 bdays sobbing under my sheets.
I do hope that this year would be different, but being under the same circumstances as last year's, it's hard to convince myself that tomorrow will be any better. I am trying though. I actually made few plans to spice up my weekend a bit. Hope it helps although I know that at the end of the day, things will remain the same. Time will fly like my bday never happened and I'll deal with reality like my bday is not part of it.
8.11.06
My mom's in Pinas. Sigh. I so wish I'm on her shoes.
Anyway, last Friday, kasama sya ni karol along with the rest of dagul's clan. Nakakatuwa na nakakakaba. Dami ko naubos na credits sa cellphone at call card kakacheck. Iba kasi feeling, I was not there to guide him through. Baka kung ano lumabas sa bibig nya. Pero in all fairness naman, being naturally ma-PR, e he pulled it off naman. Besides nakasama na rin naman nya dati ang family ko without me kaya kilala na sya at tanggap na tanggap na. And whenever such events happen, narerealize ko grabe, ang seryoso nga siguro ng relasyon namin ni karol. Nakakahinayang na kapag nasira pa. pero malay ko pa diba? Nakakatakot nga e, minsan kasi when we talk on the phone, wala na kami mapagusapan. Hay... Is that a bad sign? Kapag nagkita kaya kami, will he hold my hand and hug me instantly? O maiilang sya? Ano kaya mangyayari samin ni karol? Hay...
Anyway, last Friday, kasama sya ni karol along with the rest of dagul's clan. Nakakatuwa na nakakakaba. Dami ko naubos na credits sa cellphone at call card kakacheck. Iba kasi feeling, I was not there to guide him through. Baka kung ano lumabas sa bibig nya. Pero in all fairness naman, being naturally ma-PR, e he pulled it off naman. Besides nakasama na rin naman nya dati ang family ko without me kaya kilala na sya at tanggap na tanggap na. And whenever such events happen, narerealize ko grabe, ang seryoso nga siguro ng relasyon namin ni karol. Nakakahinayang na kapag nasira pa. pero malay ko pa diba? Nakakatakot nga e, minsan kasi when we talk on the phone, wala na kami mapagusapan. Hay... Is that a bad sign? Kapag nagkita kaya kami, will he hold my hand and hug me instantly? O maiilang sya? Ano kaya mangyayari samin ni karol? Hay...
1.11.06
Got a number of friends who are very vocal about how they desperately wish that they have boyfriends. I do have one yet I still find myself unfortunate.
I'm into a long - distance relationship for more than a year now. How did it happen? I'm not entirely sure. I just knew that it was what I wanted to do. But now frankly, i feel like being with someone oceans apart from you is as bad as being with no one at all.
As time passes by, reality hits me like flash. Long - distance relationship is no ordinary choice. It's not something you just jump into then expect to live happily ever after in the end. It is all about sacrifice and commitment, hand in hand. Sacrifice because you'll be away from the one you love, and commitment to endure that sacrifice. The situation puts me into this really tiny world with very limited opportunities for love. It's overwhelmingly suffocating. It's a constant struggle to keep myself in neutral--away from nostalgia on one end and far from numbness on the other.
For how long I can keep up? I don't know. Probably as long as he is worth sacrificing for.
I'm into a long - distance relationship for more than a year now. How did it happen? I'm not entirely sure. I just knew that it was what I wanted to do. But now frankly, i feel like being with someone oceans apart from you is as bad as being with no one at all.
As time passes by, reality hits me like flash. Long - distance relationship is no ordinary choice. It's not something you just jump into then expect to live happily ever after in the end. It is all about sacrifice and commitment, hand in hand. Sacrifice because you'll be away from the one you love, and commitment to endure that sacrifice. The situation puts me into this really tiny world with very limited opportunities for love. It's overwhelmingly suffocating. It's a constant struggle to keep myself in neutral--away from nostalgia on one end and far from numbness on the other.
For how long I can keep up? I don't know. Probably as long as he is worth sacrificing for.
