31.8.06
gusto kong magpatreat ng buhok. ever since i got here, nasira na ang buhok ko. no, not really since i got here. it was since i worked at mcds, coz i had to braid my hair and wear a cap there. kaya ngayon, sobrang sira na buhok ko. kaso it's too expensive to have my hair treated here. it'll cost me $600. duh?! you can't expect me to spend that much on my hair. that's already half of my airfare back to pinas.
if i'll convert everything to peso, wala ako mabibili dito kasi mamahalan ako. e.g. txt-P6 (20c), sine-P450 ($15), range ng meals sa mcdo-P150-270 ($5-9), matinong top-P600-1,200 ($20-40), pants-P2,400-3,000 ($80-100), haircut-P600 ($20) and so on and so forth.
pero ganon talaga..in all fairness naman e, kapag andito ka, affordable naman sila. pero the hair treatment?! that's just too much. pero kailangan ko. sigh.
if i'll convert everything to peso, wala ako mabibili dito kasi mamahalan ako. e.g. txt-P6 (20c), sine-P450 ($15), range ng meals sa mcdo-P150-270 ($5-9), matinong top-P600-1,200 ($20-40), pants-P2,400-3,000 ($80-100), haircut-P600 ($20) and so on and so forth.
pero ganon talaga..in all fairness naman e, kapag andito ka, affordable naman sila. pero the hair treatment?! that's just too much. pero kailangan ko. sigh.
30.8.06
The hardest question I've encountered recently: What are your talents?
I know I can do a lot of things, but will any of those count when I know for a fact that I'm not even half as good as everyone else?
I know I can do a lot of things, but will any of those count when I know for a fact that I'm not even half as good as everyone else?
21.8.06
I'm not good with inconsistencies and mind games. Reading between the lines is never my thing. To say it straight to my face works best for me almost always. Coz keeping me hanging breaks me down. Praning kasi ako. Does anyone know that? Sigh.
17.8.06
I'm seeing a rainbow just now. Sigh. It's beautiful.
...
I woke up panting last night. In my dream, I was being chased by some hideous-looking man. His face was almost unrecognizable because of tattoos. He looks like a Maori, or worse. He tried to rip me off but then I managed to pull away and run for my life. Fortunately, I gained consciousness right before he could grab me. I was wheezing though. And I felt as tired as I was in my dream.
I'm not sure if I'll be that quick if that happens in real life. I don't trust my reflexes sometimes. Coz they are most of times 2-5 seconds too late.
Narealize ko tuloy, I haven't encountered anything like that before. It's not that I want to, but I just wonder how I would react given a situation such as that. Will I be someone who would just die helpless, or will I be someone who would die combating. I'd like to think that I'll be the latter, but we'll never know.
...
My palms are sweating. Tsk...Matagal ko na sakit to. I know it's gross, but that's just how it is.
Naalala ko tuloy, I was always hesitant to hold the hand of the person beside me during mass ("Our Father " part), buti na lang they don't practise that here. Haha. I can also remember how Karol laughed when we first held hands. He kept on teasing me coz he knew that sweaty palms are often aggravated by anxiety, which obviously at that time was caused by him holding my hand. It was just embarrassing.
When I got here in NZ, I barely sweat. Kaw na, nabubuhay ka sa loob ng fridge. I became optimistic that my palms would sweat less as well, completely oblivious of the fact that this condition is not entirely dependent on the environment's temperature. But to my dismay, my hands are as moist as usual. Especially, whenever I'm caught in unusual situations.
Naalala ko din tuloy, when I had my first driving lesson. Hala. My hands were cold and sweating. I kept lifting my hands when steering when in theory I should just let my palms slide through the wheel while it steers. The instructor noticed that and insisted the right way of doing it, but I had to reason out that that my palms just wouldn't slide. Haha. He burst out laughing. Gagong un!
Sigh. Why oh why?
...
I'm sleepy! I just realized na walang kwenta tong sinusulat ko. Haha.
...
I woke up panting last night. In my dream, I was being chased by some hideous-looking man. His face was almost unrecognizable because of tattoos. He looks like a Maori, or worse. He tried to rip me off but then I managed to pull away and run for my life. Fortunately, I gained consciousness right before he could grab me. I was wheezing though. And I felt as tired as I was in my dream.
I'm not sure if I'll be that quick if that happens in real life. I don't trust my reflexes sometimes. Coz they are most of times 2-5 seconds too late.
Narealize ko tuloy, I haven't encountered anything like that before. It's not that I want to, but I just wonder how I would react given a situation such as that. Will I be someone who would just die helpless, or will I be someone who would die combating. I'd like to think that I'll be the latter, but we'll never know.
...
My palms are sweating. Tsk...Matagal ko na sakit to. I know it's gross, but that's just how it is.
Naalala ko tuloy, I was always hesitant to hold the hand of the person beside me during mass ("Our Father " part), buti na lang they don't practise that here. Haha. I can also remember how Karol laughed when we first held hands. He kept on teasing me coz he knew that sweaty palms are often aggravated by anxiety, which obviously at that time was caused by him holding my hand. It was just embarrassing.
When I got here in NZ, I barely sweat. Kaw na, nabubuhay ka sa loob ng fridge. I became optimistic that my palms would sweat less as well, completely oblivious of the fact that this condition is not entirely dependent on the environment's temperature. But to my dismay, my hands are as moist as usual. Especially, whenever I'm caught in unusual situations.
Naalala ko din tuloy, when I had my first driving lesson. Hala. My hands were cold and sweating. I kept lifting my hands when steering when in theory I should just let my palms slide through the wheel while it steers. The instructor noticed that and insisted the right way of doing it, but I had to reason out that that my palms just wouldn't slide. Haha. He burst out laughing. Gagong un!
Sigh. Why oh why?
...
I'm sleepy! I just realized na walang kwenta tong sinusulat ko. Haha.
14.8.06
I'm having muscle spasms. Argh. Can't even walk straight. It must be with the high heels plus the cold weather. I don't know. Sigh.
It's another Monday kaya tinatamad na naman ako magtrabaho. Not to mention the muscle pains I'm suffering right now. I should have just stayed home and made use of my neglected sick leaves.
...
Last night, we were at a family friend's house. The mum gave birth to her fourth child just recently, so we paid them a visit. The newly born child grows unbelievably fast. He's now about twice as big as when I first saw him in the hospital. The mum, on the other hand, looked physically exhausted although she seemed unsurprisingly contented.
I get to hold the baby in my hands. I took the initiative to take care of him for a few minutes to let the parents eat their meal and have some uninterrupted chats with my folks.
To hold him was easy. I was reluctant at first because he seemed so delicate and I was afraid that I might crush him unintentionally, but eventually his innocence and defenselessness made me want to look after him, even for just a few minutes. But then to my dismay, the baby burped and ejected milk. It was nasty. In panic, I immediately handed him back to his mum.
I have to admit that I'm not that fond of children. Up to now, I still wonder how I'll be able to raise my kids in the future. My husband will have to have a natural inclination to rearing kids, coz I know I don't have that. I'm completely ignorant in the field. Not to mention the fact that I am impatient. I can't even stand playing stupid games with kids for too long hours. How bad can I be?!
Honestly, observing the boy's mum last night completely turned me off to the idea of having children (too many children that is). I don't think I can handle that. To think about when and what to feed them, what they're going to wear, how to make them stop crying, how to wash them, how to keep them entertained, how to keep them healthy and smart, how to teach them good values, and all the other stuff all in one day? Tsk. I know I'll suck big time!
Actually, I don't even know why I'm writing about this now. What the heck? Maybe, in time, the natural high of being a mother will strike me. I don't know. But I do certainly hope so. Coz in the future, I would like to have 2 adorable and remarkable kids. I want them to be brave and smart like their mum and dad. I want them engaged in sports. I want them to have many friends. I want them to be admired by many. I want to have great kids. But I know that will never happen unless I transform into a great mum--which so far, is undoubtedly questionable!
It's another Monday kaya tinatamad na naman ako magtrabaho. Not to mention the muscle pains I'm suffering right now. I should have just stayed home and made use of my neglected sick leaves.
...
Last night, we were at a family friend's house. The mum gave birth to her fourth child just recently, so we paid them a visit. The newly born child grows unbelievably fast. He's now about twice as big as when I first saw him in the hospital. The mum, on the other hand, looked physically exhausted although she seemed unsurprisingly contented.
I get to hold the baby in my hands. I took the initiative to take care of him for a few minutes to let the parents eat their meal and have some uninterrupted chats with my folks.
To hold him was easy. I was reluctant at first because he seemed so delicate and I was afraid that I might crush him unintentionally, but eventually his innocence and defenselessness made me want to look after him, even for just a few minutes. But then to my dismay, the baby burped and ejected milk. It was nasty. In panic, I immediately handed him back to his mum.
I have to admit that I'm not that fond of children. Up to now, I still wonder how I'll be able to raise my kids in the future. My husband will have to have a natural inclination to rearing kids, coz I know I don't have that. I'm completely ignorant in the field. Not to mention the fact that I am impatient. I can't even stand playing stupid games with kids for too long hours. How bad can I be?!
Honestly, observing the boy's mum last night completely turned me off to the idea of having children (too many children that is). I don't think I can handle that. To think about when and what to feed them, what they're going to wear, how to make them stop crying, how to wash them, how to keep them entertained, how to keep them healthy and smart, how to teach them good values, and all the other stuff all in one day? Tsk. I know I'll suck big time!
Actually, I don't even know why I'm writing about this now. What the heck? Maybe, in time, the natural high of being a mother will strike me. I don't know. But I do certainly hope so. Coz in the future, I would like to have 2 adorable and remarkable kids. I want them to be brave and smart like their mum and dad. I want them engaged in sports. I want them to have many friends. I want them to be admired by many. I want to have great kids. But I know that will never happen unless I transform into a great mum--which so far, is undoubtedly questionable!
8.8.06
Inaatake na naman ako ng lungkot ko.
Sigh. I'll be a bum in 3 months time. My swanky role as "energy analyst" will be over soon enough.
Damn. Considering the best option mystifies me almost always. Coz bottom-line is I don't really know what I want. Or maybe I know what I want but I'm not sure where to put more weight on. All I know is that I don't want to go back to Mc Donald's. I love it here in the city. I love busy streets and tall buildings. I love sitting on my desk and staring at my almost breathing compiler. Thing is, my contract is over soon and yet I'm not sure if they'll let me renew it, or if I even want them to renew it. I like the type of work here, but I'm not sure if I like the nature of it, if you know the difference.
I want to work in a bank or in an accounting firm. But that will never happen unless I study again. I will, but then again, I'm not even sure when. I can study after I finish my contract here, but studying means more money to spend and less time for work, which in turn means fewer savings. And god I need savings. I need money not just to buy lavish things and get my every whim, but to chase my ongoing plan to get Karol as soon as possible, and visit Pinas whenever I want/need to.
What am I to do? San na ako pupulutin? Sigh.
Sigh. I'll be a bum in 3 months time. My swanky role as "energy analyst" will be over soon enough.
Damn. Considering the best option mystifies me almost always. Coz bottom-line is I don't really know what I want. Or maybe I know what I want but I'm not sure where to put more weight on. All I know is that I don't want to go back to Mc Donald's. I love it here in the city. I love busy streets and tall buildings. I love sitting on my desk and staring at my almost breathing compiler. Thing is, my contract is over soon and yet I'm not sure if they'll let me renew it, or if I even want them to renew it. I like the type of work here, but I'm not sure if I like the nature of it, if you know the difference.
I want to work in a bank or in an accounting firm. But that will never happen unless I study again. I will, but then again, I'm not even sure when. I can study after I finish my contract here, but studying means more money to spend and less time for work, which in turn means fewer savings. And god I need savings. I need money not just to buy lavish things and get my every whim, but to chase my ongoing plan to get Karol as soon as possible, and visit Pinas whenever I want/need to.
What am I to do? San na ako pupulutin? Sigh.
7.8.06
Sigh. It's again raining outside. I plan to visit Pinas around this time next year, coz you see, I'm hoping to avoid winter here. But then I realized that it won't make that much of a difference coz it's also rainy season in pinas. Bakit ba kasi ako hinahabol ng ulan? (Pero actually, I like rainy days. I like looking at it in a view. I just resent it the moment I get wet. wehehehe)
Anyway, back to my balikbayan plan. I'm not sure if it'll work out fine. I honestly have no enough money yet to come back home. Coz enough money isn't just airfare. It's triple, or maybe more. I can already imagine my relatives eyeing on everything I have in hand, plus the countless names tapping my head right now that deserve to get a little token from me, and what about the places I want to visit while I'm there, and the people that I want and I need to treat. Waaah. Thinking about it is just plain crazy.
1 option is to limit the days of my stay there. But that idea doesn't really appeal to me. That's just impractical. I want my vacation to be worth my every change. I want to make sure that I'll be able to spend generous amount of time with the people I care about, and make them happy enough to remember that visit. But then, the length of days is directly proportional to amount of money to be spent. Argh! I never realized that planning for a decent vacation can be this hard. Sigh.
Kelan na kaya ako uuwi?
Anyway, back to my balikbayan plan. I'm not sure if it'll work out fine. I honestly have no enough money yet to come back home. Coz enough money isn't just airfare. It's triple, or maybe more. I can already imagine my relatives eyeing on everything I have in hand, plus the countless names tapping my head right now that deserve to get a little token from me, and what about the places I want to visit while I'm there, and the people that I want and I need to treat. Waaah. Thinking about it is just plain crazy.
1 option is to limit the days of my stay there. But that idea doesn't really appeal to me. That's just impractical. I want my vacation to be worth my every change. I want to make sure that I'll be able to spend generous amount of time with the people I care about, and make them happy enough to remember that visit. But then, the length of days is directly proportional to amount of money to be spent. Argh! I never realized that planning for a decent vacation can be this hard. Sigh.
Kelan na kaya ako uuwi?
6.8.06
updates?
my life's in a halt. nothing's happening really. same everyday routine. same faces i see. same work i do. same places i go. the only thing unpredictable here is my mood and the weather. and that's it.
anyway, i have an appalling feeling that i'll be a terrible driver. tsk.
my life's in a halt. nothing's happening really. same everyday routine. same faces i see. same work i do. same places i go. the only thing unpredictable here is my mood and the weather. and that's it.
anyway, i have an appalling feeling that i'll be a terrible driver. tsk.
