31.7.06
I had driving lessons yesterday. It was so fun! Can't wait to drive my own car. Sigh.
Although it's pretty gloomy outside, I still feel surprisingly pleased. My world's revolving quite smoothly these days. No heavy burden, no massive headaches. Feel like I'm back to being happy go lucky, which is actually good for me. Coz I usually get tired of thinking too much.
Got the whole weekend to laze around. I was alone whole day Saturday, so I had ample time to just be myself and do what delights me. Warm couch, DVD marathon, box of pizza and a bottle of pepsi made my day. Then Sunday, I had driving lessons. Yey! Then late that afternoon, I received wonderful gifts from Karol. What a nice weekend, ei!?
Too bad I have to work today. Sigh.
Although it's pretty gloomy outside, I still feel surprisingly pleased. My world's revolving quite smoothly these days. No heavy burden, no massive headaches. Feel like I'm back to being happy go lucky, which is actually good for me. Coz I usually get tired of thinking too much.
Got the whole weekend to laze around. I was alone whole day Saturday, so I had ample time to just be myself and do what delights me. Warm couch, DVD marathon, box of pizza and a bottle of pepsi made my day. Then Sunday, I had driving lessons. Yey! Then late that afternoon, I received wonderful gifts from Karol. What a nice weekend, ei!?
Too bad I have to work today. Sigh.
27.7.06
It's over, at least for me.
I figured out that his geniality will dwindle down sooner or later. It's momentary. It's a hangover. He just couldn't get enough of our fun weekend together. But he will soon.
And maybe, I just enjoyed the attention. But that's about it. I rang Karol last night, and he told me that he missed me more these past few days. When the visitors were here, he was worried that I might get too close with them (which I think I did). But he couldn't have sensed something, can he? Anyways, the conversation last night made me realize that this other guy just makes me miss Karol even more. I love my boyfriend too much. Period.
I figured out that his geniality will dwindle down sooner or later. It's momentary. It's a hangover. He just couldn't get enough of our fun weekend together. But he will soon.
And maybe, I just enjoyed the attention. But that's about it. I rang Karol last night, and he told me that he missed me more these past few days. When the visitors were here, he was worried that I might get too close with them (which I think I did). But he couldn't have sensed something, can he? Anyways, the conversation last night made me realize that this other guy just makes me miss Karol even more. I love my boyfriend too much. Period.
26.7.06
Really bad sign.
I have met this guy few days ago, and he's being so, or maybe too nice to me.
I am never the assuming type, so I try stubbornly not to put malice on his gestures. I actually think that he has a thing for my sister because he openly admits that he finds her photogenic. Funny thing is, despite this claim, he texts and calls me rather than her.
I tend to think that maybe it's just because we have a lot of common grounds. We are both into a long distance relationship. The difference though is that they already broke up, and we haven't (and we wouldn't). We are both from UPLB, so we have the same familiarity of the LB attitude, crowd and environment. He even knows Karol. I actually asked him to help me find ways to bring him here. And somehow knowing him (and so his other friends) excites me, thinking that someday, when I manage to bring Karol here, they would become his friends because they have a lot more common grounds than we do, etc. etc.
But I'm not insensitive. Justifying his rather weird paying of attention to me can be quite a challenge. There were 4 of them that I met that day, but he was the only one who displayed this awkward interest to get to know me better. His friends tease him, and my sister teases me, but I ignore them, or at least I pretend to. Coz they could be wrong, and I can still cite many reasons to prove that.
Truth is, I honestly wish they are wrong. Coz if they aren't, it will surely a make a big complication. I know that I don't get distracted that easily. But I also know that loneliness escorts vulnerability. So I'm just scared of where things may lead to...
Good thing, he doesn't live here in Wellington. But still, I wish Karol is here.
I have met this guy few days ago, and he's being so, or maybe too nice to me.
I am never the assuming type, so I try stubbornly not to put malice on his gestures. I actually think that he has a thing for my sister because he openly admits that he finds her photogenic. Funny thing is, despite this claim, he texts and calls me rather than her.
I tend to think that maybe it's just because we have a lot of common grounds. We are both into a long distance relationship. The difference though is that they already broke up, and we haven't (and we wouldn't). We are both from UPLB, so we have the same familiarity of the LB attitude, crowd and environment. He even knows Karol. I actually asked him to help me find ways to bring him here. And somehow knowing him (and so his other friends) excites me, thinking that someday, when I manage to bring Karol here, they would become his friends because they have a lot more common grounds than we do, etc. etc.
But I'm not insensitive. Justifying his rather weird paying of attention to me can be quite a challenge. There were 4 of them that I met that day, but he was the only one who displayed this awkward interest to get to know me better. His friends tease him, and my sister teases me, but I ignore them, or at least I pretend to. Coz they could be wrong, and I can still cite many reasons to prove that.
Truth is, I honestly wish they are wrong. Coz if they aren't, it will surely a make a big complication. I know that I don't get distracted that easily. But I also know that loneliness escorts vulnerability. So I'm just scared of where things may lead to...
Good thing, he doesn't live here in Wellington. But still, I wish Karol is here.
25.7.06
oh god... someone/something is starting to make me smile...bad sign. hmmm...
24.7.06
tagal ko pala hindi nagpost...tsk.
Work-wise, last week was quite a hectic week. My workload piled up. I had too many deadlines to meet...and I presume it's going to be that way in a couple more weeks. Sigh.
I had a really fun weekend though. We have a distant relative in Waipawa. He's about my age, and he works in a farm there. He, together with his 4 other friends decided to give us a visit here in Wellington coz they wanted to get a taste of the other face of NZ.
The boys were really nice..They were funny and cool. 2 of the 5 were actually from UPLB so we got along faster. We toured them around the city. The sight awed them. Seemed like it was their first time in months to see busy streets and tall buildings like that in Makati. Haha. They obviously missed it. We also gave them a taste of the night life in the city. We went clubbing. God it was fun. I soo missed LB that night. Been going out with some foreign "friends" now, but that night was different. It was specifically memorable. Being with those boys made me long more for karol and my friends. Sigh. For once, I enjoyed the whole night being just myself. No pretentions and no language barriers.
Sana bumalik sila dito...sigh.
Work-wise, last week was quite a hectic week. My workload piled up. I had too many deadlines to meet...and I presume it's going to be that way in a couple more weeks. Sigh.
I had a really fun weekend though. We have a distant relative in Waipawa. He's about my age, and he works in a farm there. He, together with his 4 other friends decided to give us a visit here in Wellington coz they wanted to get a taste of the other face of NZ.
The boys were really nice..They were funny and cool. 2 of the 5 were actually from UPLB so we got along faster. We toured them around the city. The sight awed them. Seemed like it was their first time in months to see busy streets and tall buildings like that in Makati. Haha. They obviously missed it. We also gave them a taste of the night life in the city. We went clubbing. God it was fun. I soo missed LB that night. Been going out with some foreign "friends" now, but that night was different. It was specifically memorable. Being with those boys made me long more for karol and my friends. Sigh. For once, I enjoyed the whole night being just myself. No pretentions and no language barriers.
Sana bumalik sila dito...sigh.
13.7.06
sigh. week is almost over. woot!
well, have to say i'm really busy. people here are no different from typical pinoys. they love crunch times. projects are way behind schedule, kaya ngayon, we are literally loaded. we have to be able to publish this major report by the end of october, kaso we haven't started anything yet. tsk. buggers.
...
the environment at home is not so good either.
our only relatives here are my mum's younger sister and her 9-yr old son, and they are soooo making me sick. that stupid kid is a brat, and he loves making our lives miserable. her mum, on the other hand, is so blinded by him that she thinks she is handling him quite well. and that makes her equally stupid.
just last weekend, that kid made up one big trouble na umabot sa pinas. he caused one past issue (which involved my sister and i) to heat up again. and as usual, it leaves another bad impression of us.
i'm afraid i already hate them. i hate to think that the people who once helped us pull our way up are the same people pushing us down right now. and what i hate more is knowing that i really can't show them how much i'm hating them because i'm hindered by that damn debt of gratitude. putanginang utang na loob yan!
anyway, the nice part is we don't live with them so we don't get to see them everyday. but then of course, they would pop out our doorstep every once in a while, and do what they do best, mangmolestya!
i really hope not to get a sight of them this weekend.
sigh.
well, have to say i'm really busy. people here are no different from typical pinoys. they love crunch times. projects are way behind schedule, kaya ngayon, we are literally loaded. we have to be able to publish this major report by the end of october, kaso we haven't started anything yet. tsk. buggers.
...
the environment at home is not so good either.
our only relatives here are my mum's younger sister and her 9-yr old son, and they are soooo making me sick. that stupid kid is a brat, and he loves making our lives miserable. her mum, on the other hand, is so blinded by him that she thinks she is handling him quite well. and that makes her equally stupid.
just last weekend, that kid made up one big trouble na umabot sa pinas. he caused one past issue (which involved my sister and i) to heat up again. and as usual, it leaves another bad impression of us.
i'm afraid i already hate them. i hate to think that the people who once helped us pull our way up are the same people pushing us down right now. and what i hate more is knowing that i really can't show them how much i'm hating them because i'm hindered by that damn debt of gratitude. putanginang utang na loob yan!
anyway, the nice part is we don't live with them so we don't get to see them everyday. but then of course, they would pop out our doorstep every once in a while, and do what they do best, mangmolestya!
i really hope not to get a sight of them this weekend.
sigh.
10.7.06
Weekend over. Sigh. It's another idle Monday. The sky is surprisingly clear today though. The way to work was not as awful as the previous weeks. But it doesn't change my mood. I still feel lazy today. It's always harder to get up on a Monday morning due to the weekend hangover. What should I do today? Hmmm...
6.7.06
On Emigrating...
Emigrating gave my life a big kick. I felt like it took an abrupt turnoff. So when I got here in NZ, I immediately grabbed a new journal. I figured out that I should start a new chapter since my life is setting off from scratch again. 9 months later, I found myself browsing through its accumulating pages. Then I asked myself, "What has changed?"
I couldn't resist smiling as I went back to my old entries. They remind me of how devastated I was for letting go the life I have loved to live. I remember writing most of them in tears. I would go and lock myself in our room, curl up in our awfully cold bed, hide underneath our warm blanket, and start writing in faint darkness while tears trickle down my cheeks. God, it was pathetic. But I guess, the whole emigrating thing really knocked me off.
Now it's different. Communicating has been a big hurdle, but not that much anymore. I'm already not that hesitant to express what I have in mind. I'm learning to open up doors for new friendships. And most of all, I'm starting to get a better perspective in life. Suddenly, my dreams are more reachable, even the dream to come back home.
The adjustment phase was never easy. It's self-constricting. But over time, I have witnessed the natural phenomenon of adaptation take place. I have managed to move on, realizing that holding back makes no sense at all since the life I have left behind has already moved on. There's just no point getting stuck in frustration.
I still miss my old life, I still cry at night when I think about what I'm missing, I still ask why I even have to leave, I still wonder about a lot of what if's. But I'm not that vulnerable now. I know things have its positive side. Emigrating is an opportunity, at least for me. I left and now I'm missing half of my life. But I'm sure someday, soon, when I'm already bound to come home, I'll be able to share a better me. Then I and the people I once left behind will flip through the pages of our journals, rekindle the friendship and love we so have missed, then we'll spend all our lives catching up...
Emigrating gave my life a big kick. I felt like it took an abrupt turnoff. So when I got here in NZ, I immediately grabbed a new journal. I figured out that I should start a new chapter since my life is setting off from scratch again. 9 months later, I found myself browsing through its accumulating pages. Then I asked myself, "What has changed?"
I couldn't resist smiling as I went back to my old entries. They remind me of how devastated I was for letting go the life I have loved to live. I remember writing most of them in tears. I would go and lock myself in our room, curl up in our awfully cold bed, hide underneath our warm blanket, and start writing in faint darkness while tears trickle down my cheeks. God, it was pathetic. But I guess, the whole emigrating thing really knocked me off.
Now it's different. Communicating has been a big hurdle, but not that much anymore. I'm already not that hesitant to express what I have in mind. I'm learning to open up doors for new friendships. And most of all, I'm starting to get a better perspective in life. Suddenly, my dreams are more reachable, even the dream to come back home.
The adjustment phase was never easy. It's self-constricting. But over time, I have witnessed the natural phenomenon of adaptation take place. I have managed to move on, realizing that holding back makes no sense at all since the life I have left behind has already moved on. There's just no point getting stuck in frustration.
I still miss my old life, I still cry at night when I think about what I'm missing, I still ask why I even have to leave, I still wonder about a lot of what if's. But I'm not that vulnerable now. I know things have its positive side. Emigrating is an opportunity, at least for me. I left and now I'm missing half of my life. But I'm sure someday, soon, when I'm already bound to come home, I'll be able to share a better me. Then I and the people I once left behind will flip through the pages of our journals, rekindle the friendship and love we so have missed, then we'll spend all our lives catching up...
5.7.06
I SO FUCKIN' HATE HIM. he's a big son of a bitch. i swear he will have a troubled soul. fate will surely have its way of revenge, and when that day comes, i'd probably laugh inside.
...
bwiset na winter yan. bwiset na ulan yan! BWISIIIIIITTTTTT!
...
bwiset na winter yan. bwiset na ulan yan! BWISIIIIIITTTTTT!
3.7.06
Iyeeee...
To have a boyfriend had once been my frustration. Coz you see, I am not the "ligawin" type of girl. Like some of the unfortunate souls out there, I had gone through the oh-my-god-am-I-ever-going-to-have-a-boyfriend phase in my life. I remember having had those pathetic daydreams of me imprisoned in some cute guy's embrace, and cuddling, and doing whatever couples do that I get a sight of. Tsk. These had gone on and on until one fateful night...
The setting? It was one crack of dawn sometime in my junior year. It was at the field in UPLB, and Karol and I were having our nth bottle of beer. There were few couples around but we didn't mind them. We just talked and laughed and made a fool of ourselves. Then poof! We kissed.
The kiss was amazing but the feeling back then was awkward coz damn it, I knew him as KUYA Karol. We got close because of Isis bar and SanMigLight. We barely knew details of each other's lives because usually, we would just see each other at nighttime when we were already half drunk.
Anyways, that was the start. That went on for months. We both claimed that we like each other, but neither of us dared to make things official. It was all fun though. I don't remember any downtime...not until I screwed up. Yeah...I fell for him first. Tsk.
26 months later, we are still together. He really loves me! Yiheee. The thought still makes me smile. Karol's my many firsts. He has transformed me from a naive little girl to a full-grown young woman. What more can I say? He is just incredible, and our relationship is just astounding. Yes, we do have our differences, we do have terrible fights, we do have issues and conflicts, but so far they cause us more good than bad.
Karol is not exactly the man of my fantasies, and our story is not exactly how I imagined it in my daydreams, but who cares?! I've come to realize that indeed the most wonderful things happen when you least expect them and when you don't plan for them. An emotion is at its peak when you are less in control. Probably that's why I love him more than I thought...coz he didn't just offer me the world I so longed for as a growing teen...He's in it! That makes that world far more amazing!
To have a boyfriend had once been my frustration. Coz you see, I am not the "ligawin" type of girl. Like some of the unfortunate souls out there, I had gone through the oh-my-god-am-I-ever-going-to-have-a-boyfriend phase in my life. I remember having had those pathetic daydreams of me imprisoned in some cute guy's embrace, and cuddling, and doing whatever couples do that I get a sight of. Tsk. These had gone on and on until one fateful night...
The setting? It was one crack of dawn sometime in my junior year. It was at the field in UPLB, and Karol and I were having our nth bottle of beer. There were few couples around but we didn't mind them. We just talked and laughed and made a fool of ourselves. Then poof! We kissed.
The kiss was amazing but the feeling back then was awkward coz damn it, I knew him as KUYA Karol. We got close because of Isis bar and SanMigLight. We barely knew details of each other's lives because usually, we would just see each other at nighttime when we were already half drunk.
Anyways, that was the start. That went on for months. We both claimed that we like each other, but neither of us dared to make things official. It was all fun though. I don't remember any downtime...not until I screwed up. Yeah...I fell for him first. Tsk.
26 months later, we are still together. He really loves me! Yiheee. The thought still makes me smile. Karol's my many firsts. He has transformed me from a naive little girl to a full-grown young woman. What more can I say? He is just incredible, and our relationship is just astounding. Yes, we do have our differences, we do have terrible fights, we do have issues and conflicts, but so far they cause us more good than bad.
Karol is not exactly the man of my fantasies, and our story is not exactly how I imagined it in my daydreams, but who cares?! I've come to realize that indeed the most wonderful things happen when you least expect them and when you don't plan for them. An emotion is at its peak when you are less in control. Probably that's why I love him more than I thought...coz he didn't just offer me the world I so longed for as a growing teen...He's in it! That makes that world far more amazing!
